An Apology



This is an apology from me... to myself.

People have always known you to be unapologetic:
You talk, act, and behave the way you want to.
Yet, in the face of someone you loved, you found yourself not able to.
I’m sorry.

You are generally assertive,
But when it mattered the most, you found yourself weeping and begging to be treated the way you really wanted and deserved to.
Wishing, yearning for the bare minimum.
I’m sorry.

You are confident,
Yet I let a man make you feel you aren’t enough and beautiful.
I let a simple reckless comparison trample the image you have for yourself.
Believe me, you are worthy to be praised, and you are indeed, beautiful.
I’m sorry.

You deserve truth,
Yet I turned a blind eye when you were lied to and just shrugged, thinking it happens.
After the promise of not doing it again, I still continued.
You were lied to over and over, but I persisted.
I’m sorry.

You deserve commitment,
But I let you be someone’s prerogative,
As if it was perfectly fine to be discarded and disregarded when it’s not in his convenience.
You are one to be cherished and prioritized.
You deserve someone’s certainty — words and actions combined.
For believing otherwise, I’m sorry.

You deserve healing,
Yet I allowed you to be a slave of my emotions,
Letting you think things will turn out better this time around.
For the false hope, I’m sorry.

You deserve the good things,
But when they came knocking at your door,
I welcomed them, only to push them away later when I didn’t feel worthy of them anymore.
For taking them away from you, I’m sorry.

You deserve happiness,
But when it showed itself to you, I found it unusual and too good to be true —
Very much so, that I loosened my grasp and let it slip away from you.
I’m sorry.

You deserve to move forward,
Yet I am keeping you glued to a spot which doesn’t help you love and nurture you.
I’ll save you and I’ll figure things out.
But for now, I’m sorry.


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